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Lotus

I sit here

Attempting to put pen to paper

Attempting to come to a summation of

All of the pain of these last few weeks

My heart feels so heavy with the gravity

Of the murder of my people

A people rooted so strongly in their adversity

And equally in their triumph

When I close my eyes

I am haunted by nightmares of violence

And when I wake my eyes open to the harsh reality

I toss and turn and weep

For I know not where this ends

They say we’re in the midst of a reckoning

But where is the justice?

Where is this so called scale which deems to punish evil acts and deeds?

I sit aghast and saddened all at the same time

Eyes closed eyes opened

Another newsreel my heart drops into my stomach

Feeling nauseous I attempt to shove down my breakfast

After a sleepless night too wide awake

To sleep at night

I pray that my elders are safe

I want to take the pain away

Bowing before my ancestors with offerings of incense and fruit I pray

But the burden is too heavy for my or your shoulders

My brother my sister

I wish I could hold you

Arms spread open to you

That we could cry together on this hallowed ground

And lift each other up

But sometimes I feel too heavy too even lift myself up

From the depths of despair that I’m feeling

If I could soar with you into the skies of a more promising future of safety I would

But for now I feel unsafe

In the harsh reality my body and mind must sift through.

This poem is dedicated to my late grandfather, who always taught me that true strength could be found in my roots and ancestry.

Carina's late grandfather

Carina Kimlan Hinton is a Vietnamese Amerasian poet and writer who explores the intricacies of her own mixed race heritage through her work. Her mother's family are Vietnamese refugees, and she grew up hearing stories of their courageous escape from Vietnam, which has inspired her from a young age to seek to understand this complex journey.

Explore more of her work on Instagram  @carina.hinton Medium Carina Kimlan Hinton

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